Missionary/Member Etiquette (for ward members)

This is an post that I originally wrote about a year ago, but thought it might be helpful to repost...

I came across a blog post called, Ten Little Points of Missionary Etiquette on the 'Mormon Insights' blog...This is a list of suggestions of things that we as members can do (or not do) to avoid unknowingly putting the full-time missionaries in awkward situations. For example, most people know that missionaries are required to keep "arm's-length" distance from people of the opposite sex, but many members don't feel like that counts if they're much older (or married) or if the missionary is about to be transferred - especially if they've worked closely with the missionary. Really, the rule applies to everyone...this prevents Elders and Sisters from needing to make constant judgement calls about who its ok to hug and who its not.

So, if I were to try to hug one of our Ward's full-time missionary Elders (no matter how innocent my intentions) it would create an awkward and potentially embarrassing situation for the Elder, who would have to make the choice to reject my hug (potentially offending me) or to have to break the rule because he didn't want to be rude.

I served a full-time mission as a young adult and I can relate to almost all of the items pointed out in the Ten Little Points of Missionary Etiquette article... I actually (jokingly) kept a mental list of all the platonic "hugs" that I got from male investigators, new members, branch presidents, etc. I was very serious about keeping mission rules, but sometimes it was just really awkward to reject something innocent like that from a tearful and well-meaning person (especially an elderly married man) on the day you're getting transferred.

This list isn't meant to make anyone feel bad, especially since many members do some of these things without realizing that they are either #1- against mission rules, or #2- may make the missionary feel uncomfortable. Its just meant to be a list of suggestions of things that you may not have thought about that you can do to help the full-time Elders or Sisters you work with concentrate on their work and spend less time being distracted.

Here is the list that the blog "Mormon Insights" gives, along with my comments added in red font:

1. Don't pay a compliment to one missionary without also paying a compliment to his/her nearby companion. Sometimes one missionary is very charismatic or good-looking and tends to get more attention than his/her companion, so its good to be sensitive to this.

2. When missionaries are paying a visit to your home, try your best to keep the televisions, radios, and computers off. This is so distracting when you're trying to keep the mission rules to not watch TV/movies, etc at all during your missionary service. Imagine if you were trying to avoid sweets and you went to a friend's house who had 100 cupcakes sitting on the table.

3. If missionaries are available to be invited to dinner, keep the visit under an hour. Its hard to leave when members/investigators want you to stay, but missionaries are usually taught to keep visits under an hour and they may have another appointment to get to. Every minute you keep them from their work is a minute that they could be finding someone new to teach.

4. Don't ask missionaries about their girlfriends or boyfriends back home. I know you're curious, but for someone who is trying to concentrate on the work, having people constantly bring up boyfriends/girlfriends can be hard. Especially if that significant other has recently dumped you via letter or email (happens a lot!). Imagine having people constantly bring the subject up when you're just trying to forget it.

5. When conversing with a missionary, try to keep conversations centered on Church-related or service-related issues.

6. Always respect the companionships of missionaries. Do not ask a missionary how well he or she is getting along with the assigned companion. (The missionary leadership will handle that question). Also, if they aren't getting along as a companionship or the missionary really can't stand his/her companion, they probably won't say so anyhow, which puts them in the awkward position of having to pretend that everything is peachy when they'd rather not discuss it with you.

7. Do not ask missionaries how many baptisms they have had. The number of baptisms is not an index of success. This is really an okay thing to wonder about, since we may be curious about how the missionary work is going in our area and throughout the mission. However, there are better ways to find out than to ask "How many baptisms?", which puts the focus on numbers. Here are some other ways you can ask essentially the same thing: "Have you been finding success in the area? (or "How was the work going in your last area?") or "What have been some of your favorite experiences with investigators so far?"

8. Do not expect missionaries to stay in contact with you after they have left an area or even after they have finished their mission service. Some missions have rules about whether missionaries can stay in contact with members in their former areas during the remainder of their missions. It may seem silly, but missionaries do need to focus on serving the members/investigators in their new area, so even if contact is allowed its best to keep it limited.

9. Do not call upon missionaries in Sunday School to provide scriptural support for some obscure doctrine that has been raised in class. The authority of missionaries is in missionary work, not in settling doctrinal debates. Most of the time they know the basics (thats what they study and that's what they are sent to teach), so don't assume that they are doctrinal experts.

10. Do not ask a Sister or an Elder for their first name. The first name is Sister or Elder. Period. I discovered on my mission that a lot of members think its fun to call full-time missionaries by their first name, even if its just in the member's home. They may mean well, seeing themselves as a parent-figure and wanting the missionary to feel a little more normal, but remember that the full-time missionaries go by their title for a reason - it helps them (and us) remember that they are set apart for a sacred mission)

Tips for baptism preparation

Part of the fellowshipping process is welcoming visitors and investigators from the very beginning of their experience with the Church. Then, when an investigator has a baptism date set, it should be like a green light for Ward-Missionaries to know that they need to really get moving to help that investigator prepare for activity in the Church!

We all know the symbolism of baptism and what it represents - the death/burial/resurrection of Christ, a new beginning, an outward sign that we are making a covenant, and more. Its also important to recognize that baptism also represents the transition from investigator to new member. And that is a transition that is best made with help from the Ward- Missionaries and other Ward members.

In our experience as Ward-Missionaries, we have seen a number of people fall away from the Church immediately after being baptized. If a person chooses not to participate in the Church or keep their baptismal covenants, that is a very sad thing. Since there is so much emphasis on the need for new-member fellowshipping, its easy to feel like we could have done something more to prevent it.

In some cases, there may have been more that we could have done to help the new convert become an active member. However, the truth is that sometimes the new member might not be willing to continue with their commitments, regardless of our efforts. In every case, we need to make sure that fellowshipping by Ward-Missionaries, Ward leaders, and other Ward members is taking place and that every thing possible is being done to help the new member make a successful transition. While the choice to remain active in the Church is ultimately their responsibility, we are responsible to do everything within our capacity to help them.

We have worked hard to try to make a smoother transition for our new-members by involving the Ward members (especially Ward-Missionaries), beginning with the pre-baptism stage. Of course, I am a strong advocate that we should increase our contact with new members immediately after baptism, and there are several posts on this site that discuss post-baptism fellowshipping and retention.

Here are some of the ideas we've come up with for pre-baptism fellowshipping....

SPECIFIC THINGS THAT WE CAN DO TO HELP A BAPTISM-CANDIDATE:

• We try to become familiar with each investigator as much as possible, especially when they have a firm baptism date set

• We really want to attend at least one pre-baptism teaching appointment with the full-time missionaries so we can explain that we will begin teaching them the new-member lessons after baptism, & set up an appointment for our first lesson if possible. In our experience, some full-time missionaries are more agreeable about this than others, so if we can’t visit them with the full-time missionaries we arrange our own pre-baptism visit

• We encourage the full-time missionaries to include as many ward members in the baptism program as possible (this helps get more members to the baptism and makes a connection between the member and their ward family)

• We can make sure that baptism candidate knows what to bring to the baptism (we have a handout that we give them). The full-time missionaries sometimes forget to tell people to wear white underwear, bring a towel, etc. We’ve had a lot of people forget to bring something, even if they’ve been told, so I try to have a spare towel, hairbrush, etc in the car just in case.

• We can help put the word out about upcoming baptisms and encourage as many ward members to attend as possible (by phone, email, or announcements at church).

• We give each baptism candidate a “Welcome to the Ward” packet (preferably several days before the baptism) and encourage them to invite their friends/family to attend*

• We attend convert baptisms

• We take photos of the convert in the lobby before the baptism (with the missionaries and without) and give them framed copies of their photo as a keepsake. We also make sure they have received a copy of their baptism program.

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These simple steps have made a big difference in our ability to get to know our investigators (especially those who are preparing for baptism). Any contact we have with them lets them know that we care and that we are available to help them. Without a doubt, the more comfortable a new member feels with the Ward members, the easier the transition into Ward membership will be for them and the more likely they will be to stay active.

*If you'd like more information on "Welcome to the Ward Packets", please see the "Welcome Packets" section on the right side of this page.

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CALLINGS FOR NEW CONVERTS

Callings for New Converts

Ward Mission Leaders and Ward Missionaries are occasionally asked for suggestions about potential callings for new converts in your Ward. While some callings might come to mind immediately because they seem like they would be great for new members, its important to consider the personality and skill level of the new member, as well as their current social needs. there I recently came across a great chart (on MissionaryLeaders.org) that has a list of callings and which characteristics of those particular callings might (or might not be) appropriate for some new converts.

For example, 'Sacrament Meeting Door Greeter' would be great for some new converts, because it requires Church attendance and helps them get more familiar with Ward members. On the other hand, there isn't any particular gospel-study preparation needed to do the calling and they usually wouldn't work with/learn from a more experienced Ward-member to perform the calling. Another possible downside would be that this calling could be interpreted by the new-member as unimportant (because they may feel they aren't needed as much as a teacher or leader).

Another example of a calling for a new member would be 'Assistant Primary Teacher', which would also require Church attendance (at least for the 2nd and/or 3rd hour) and would help the new member get to know some of the Ward members (other Primary teachers and Leaders, parents of students). In addition, this calling would require gospel learning (lesson preparation/participation) and would provide an opportunity for the new member to work closely with another member. A downside of this type of calling could be that it may limit the new member's participation/attendance in Sunday School and Relief Society or Priesthood meetings.

This chart isn't so much a list of 'good' and 'bad' callings (its not), but rather a list of characteristics that the callings have that you will want to consider (along with the new converts personality and abilities, of course).

It might be useful to print out and keep a copy of this chart to refer to if you should need to consider some suggestions for your new converts!

You can link to the page with this chart by clicking here: Possible Callings for New Members (you will be taken to the MissionaryLeaders.org website).